Today, you are a member of… Bruce Lee Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Pole

Pole dancing is empowering, members. But only to your triceps. You know what else empowers triceps? Push-ups. The dif between the two? Poledancing requires watcher(s), a two drink minimum and a thong in which to collect the dough whereas seldom have there been entire establishments dedicated to the staged, scandelous display of conditioning exercises or specialized garments in which fans can tuck ones while you raise and lower your torso. This week you are going to be empowered, members, but not by any pole glory. Rather, you are going to work it no matter if any one is watching, doing radical moves like hindu jackknife push-ups and two finger push-ups. There may not be any ones in your underwear when you are done. But you’ll feel as powerful as Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon.

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