Today, you are a member of… Hydroblading

Consider the contradictions of the figure skater, Members: The hyper-athleticism; the candy-ass outfits. The pounds of clown make-up; the obligatory after-score crying. The gravity-defying axel jumps; the icy wipe-outs. The sparkles; the razor-sharp footwear. The Olympics; the Ice Capades. This week, the gamut’s all there, fanned out before you like so many parallel mirror spread eagles. You got options of course: you can be ahead of the curve like Jackson Haines, the father of modern skating; you can blubber your brains out in front of the judges to futile effect like Tanya Harding; you can even class up the joint like “Mr. Debonair” Richard Dwyer. Or perhaps it’s best to remember this: the Zamboni makes it all possible, so why not just hop on and coast on through it?

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