Today, you are a member of… The F*%ck!ng Song

In the spirit of the Winter Olympics, Members, may your aggression be exercised in graceful, gliding circles; may your luge hurtle with the pants-shitting speed of Prince Vultan; may your bodysuits be sporty, superhero-like, and multi-colored; may your snowboard wax hazard with oblivious panache; and may your Zamboni rev like the slow beast of fine perfection it truly is. Remember, Chief: You’re Number One.

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