Today, you are a member of… The Large Hyperbolae Collider

Deep beneath the French-Swiss border, something ginormous is gearing up. Or rather, cooling down. The last sector of the Large Hadron Collider in all its primary color glory is getting the deep freeze, making conditions ideal for a game of subatomic particle chicken. Soon authorities like the Vacuum Engineering Group will be using turbo molecular pumps to zoom hadrons (composite subatomic particles) around ‘The Beampipe’ and delight in their head-on collisions. Despite the fact that the collider is essentially NASCAR for physicists, what happens next is the subject of some controversy. Will their instrument feedback flanges find the Higgs Boson, ridiculously called the ‘God Particle’? Will mini black holes appear, grow exponentially in size, and make a snack out of Switzerland? Will a stranglet nuclear reaction rain down like judgement on the folly of science? This week holds equal capacity for bat-shit hyperbolae, with reactions bowing all over the x and y axis. Best to sit back, fire up a superconducting cable or two, and enjoy the thrill of it all.

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