Today, you are a member of… The Napture

Godzilla here again, members, with a point of information. Some of you got it in your monkey brains that this week starts “The Rapture” when the big J comes back and starts snatchin’ up all the so-deemed good xtians, melting all that is solid into the air. Well, I’m here to tell you: he ain’t.

Here’s the 411: Being that I live in the same neighborhood of String Theory Universe 469 (where all fictional characters exist), I saw the big J on the bus the other day. When I quipped that I hoped he had a bonnet to match his ras-berry pickin’ basket, he sort of chuckled but then let slip that going back would really “hein his mellow” and, through some telling toast burnings in the home of one Mr. Otis Wampler of Cleveland, OH, he intended to let everyone know to just relax and, like, take a nap or something.

So between that, and the fact that I ate the bus right after our conversation, I’m pretty sure what you got this week is nothing more than a nice opportunity to catch some Zs. And really it works out, because if it was otherwise, Mothra would get kinda pissed. The air is really his turf and when big a moth starts flying around everybody just freaks and it really doesn’t help anything at all. Sweet dreams members. Be sure to say hi to all your unconscious desires for me. Gojira out.

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