Today, you are a member of… The Zeus Spruce

jpmorganUsually around the time of the Autumnal Equinox, members get to loll in the ritual holiday of Halloween, warding off any harvesting troubles by donning costumes to scare off the wickedness of the coming winter. (Yes, sexy nurses are that frightening!). The Vernal Equinox doesn’t seem to be as much fun in comparison, offering only the crypticly-timed and christian-wrought holiday of Easter. “Eves” are so much better suited to a can-banging good time than instances of “the first Sunday after the first full moon after the day when the earth can be observed directly over the earth’s equator.” So You Are A Member is instituting a new holiday: The Zeus Spruce. Similar to Halloween, it’s a time to act out in costume what you most want in order to influence the coming season and give the gods a good goosing. Provided to the left is your very own J. P. Morgan mask + thousand dollar bill. Feel free to cut it out and wear it to work sometime this week (ascot optional) or subtitute the face of some other fabulously powerful individual. By putting your face behind that of a modern potentate, here’s hoping humanity finds its way back to capitalism this summer.

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