Today, you are a member of… Your Scary Country
Dear Members, I can say a lot of things about voting, comparing it to guns, or race yachting, or safaris, or blasting a canal through an entire country or carving my face into a mountainside, but all that would just be metaphor-bending, self-indulgent entertainment. No, today, October 31st 2008 I sit here in my stately rocking chair with my nez pince to tell you this: get in the spirit of Halloween, scare the shit out of all political party machines and go vote on Election Day. This includes you, felons! Particularly Mainiac felons and Vermontillian felons. If you’re registered, you can vote from jail. And to all you lazy, son-of-a-bitch whiners who think it doesn’t make a difference, I’ll say this: I’ll knock your teeth six ways til Sunday if you don’t. So indeed, it makes a difference. To your face. Happy civic duty, members. And God bless America.